Saturday, March 7, 2009

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Don't judge me

But I'm tipsy and angry and I'm going to need this post to remind me of why I'm deleting Crooks phone number tonight. Screw him and his idiocy! I've allowed him to get away with so much (like I do other guys) because he's my "best friend". Well some best friend he was tonight when I needed a ride home from work and wanted to see him! Some best friend he was all those time he let his friend talk down to me like I'm scum. Screw them Blake! THEY're SCUM. Crooked, trailer-livin, fake scums. Yeah you can rock your louis vuitton loafers but they don't mean NOTHIN if you're livin in some bootleg, boondock, trailer park you jerk! Screw you and that high horse of yours here's a reality check: to be honest, I'm just not that into you either.

Ps- I'm bleaching your Armani exhange hoodie tomorrow :) and even though I love fashion and part of me doesn't want to do it- revenge is sweeter than words can say.

Benzboy drivin off in an altima! Haha who you tryin to kid, kid. You ain't no Benz boy, you're just another wishful thinker. It was silly of me to think I could ever take your jaded self seriously. Go spend another 2 years getting over your ex who screwed you over, cool guy.

Haha ok I'm gonna laugh myself to sleep with this one. Night bloggy peepS!

Mean tipsy Blake

Brought to you by Smirnoff

HAHHHAHAHAAHA I hate when an ugly dude thinks he stands a chance cause you are gettin the shaft end of a relationship. Buddy, I don't care how bad my current dude is screwing me over, making out with someone who's below my standards won't make me feel any better. You must be out YOUR DANG MINDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!


oh man, tonight is the story of my life.

Thanks Crook, for letting me down like I knew you would, I'll remember that in the morning, if nothing else.


Now I've never been one to medle in others' affairs. I'm far from tight-lipped, but I have to speak out on this. All of the media is reporting that Chris Brown and Rihanna have reconciled. I have to admit, I am so dissapointed with the choice that Rihanna is making. I know that love is blind, and that forgiveness is an amazing thing. But what Chris Brown (reportedly) did to Rihanna is unforgivable. That picture that leaked of her bruised and beaten literally made me sick to my stomach. I think it takes a strong person to forgive, but an even stronger one to walk away from someone who abuses you. What happened to her is no accident, and I'm sure it wasn't the first time. Some people are saying, "What if she instigated the fight?" I don't care who started it, it is NEVER OK to put your hands on someone, much less someone you love!
Albeit all the crappy boyfriends I've had in my lifetime, I'm lucky enough that only ONE ever put his hands on me. I was 15, and I didn't know then what I know now: IT IS NEVER OK. Physical, emotional, psychological, any kind of abuse is intolerable. I don't care how much you love that person- you can and should learn to live without someone who intentionally hurts you!
I felt the need to speak out on this for a few reasons. The first is that my mom came from an abusive household- a family where her mother was beaten, and her father was an alcoholic. I never knew either of my grandparents because of the issues that it created in the family dynamics. I missed out on having these truly special relationships because of abuse, and I refuse to stand for it, or let it go unnoticed. My second reason was mainly my dissapointment in Rihanna. I have always been a fan of both the stars, but I can tell you I won't be buying or supporting Chris Brown until he proves he's gotten help. I'm dissapointed that Rihanna wouldn't take this as an opportunity to show the men and women of the world that abuse, (even amongst the wealthy and famous) is not ok. Because it's not. I'll never understand where people got the notion that it's OK to hurt someone, much less someone you love and are supposed to care for!
Realistically, neither Rihanna nor Chris Brown will ever read my blog. I don't care. It's not for them. This one goes out to anyone who's ever been told that they're ugly or not worthy of real love. This goes out to the women AND men who cover the bruises because they believe deep down that the very person who inflicts the hurt, loves them. They don't love you, and if they do- they love themselves more.
If you're in an abusive relationship, please seek help. If you're an abuser please take a few moments to reflect on the damage you are causing the people you "love".

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7


What do you think

Is the best way to say "I love you"?

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Stole my heart like a Crook

So, I've taken some time to reflect on it and decided that I definitely do have some underlying feelings for Crooky. Strong ones, at that. I don't think I'm drop the three-word bomb like he did, but I'd definitely say I'm "in like". He's the last person I talk to (sometimes see) at night, and I think of him in the morning. He made me send him a picture of me wearing his hoodie because he didn't believe me when I said I slept in it.
In the meantime, it's a little more difficult than it seems. I love Crookers- he's one of my best friends, knows everything about me and my family. We can talk about everything and neither of us really cringes either way. I am 100% at ease with him, but we both have major trust issues. His most recent ex was not such a nice girl... She was in college far away from NJland and he went to visit her, often. Spent lots of his hard-earned money, while she just kept on demanding more and more. I don't know the details of how it happened (we stopped being friends at the time, because I had a new controlling boyfriend) but they broke up. She broke his heart, and to this day I'm not 100% sure that he wouldn't go back to her. I was there the first time the broke up. I made him smile, I wiped the tears, I was the one who took care of him. I let some really stupid rumors come between us (I thought we were just friends, apparently not!) and looking back now, I really regret it. I could've saved us both a lot of heartache if I had seen then what I see now. HOWEVER, there is a point here where you remember that life is a learning experience just waiting to happen. Crooks learned not to let people know he has money (because they use him for it), and I learned not to let a guy dictate my life (and many, many more valuable lessons).
The reason why I'm rambling on and on about mine and Crook's exes is because he mentioned last night that he doesn't trust anyone. Not the sister that he lives with, not his best friends, and get this- not even me. I have to be honest, it hurt me a little bit. Regardless what mess we might be getting into trying to build a relationship, he's still supposed to be one of my best friends. How would you feel if one of your best friends (guy or girl) told you they didn't trust you?
It bothers me mostly because I know there has to be trust before there can be love. I know that if you don't trust someone you're with (platonic or romantic) it's just not good. Not saying you should trust everyone (I certainly don't) but I mean, I feel like you'd want to trust the people you spend the most time with.
I suppose if and when it gets to that point, it's something that we'll have to work on and build together. I don't trust easily either- and the fact that he doesn't trust me, only makes me not want to trust him.
Be easy, Crookers. Not everyone is out to get you. I told him last night "So what are you gonna do? You're never gonna trust again because you got burnt by one stupid [censor]? Come on! You weren't the one dating the drug addict with a gambling problem, 2 kids and an ex-wife. You live and you learn. You have to find someone you can trust!"
Now if only that someone can be me.

Friday, February 27, 2009


It wouldn't be friday if Blake didn't get a surprise visit from the 7-11 stalker. He claims he was just getting Chinese food, but I see right through his stalkerish ways... He stopped in, was grinning at me, as I'm saying on the inside "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY YOU?!" Anyone...Even mister GoodForNothingButGorgeous would be better than my 7-11 stalker. I guess I didn't give him the wrong phone number because he called me at 4:30a.m. this morning!!! Said he was coming home from Staten Italy. I told him I don't care if he's comin home from ZIMBAWBE! I Don't Talk To Anyone At 4:30a.m.!!! EVER! Unless it's a legit emergency. He then proceeded to creep and grill me about my plans for tonight and I really don't think I've ever regretted kissing someone SO much in my life. What's worse he admitted that he creeps on me at my work, drives by to see if I'm working, and otherwise just "stalks" me. As if it's something to be proud of!!!


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

On a Serious Note...

Join My Facebook Cause

Keith Urban

Always knows just what to say:

"And the longer we talked
The more we laughed
And wondered why we didnt last
It had been a long time
But late last night
We caught up real fast
And maybe its a little too early
To know if this is going to work
All I know is you're sure lookin
Good in my shirt."


Men and Confusion

I've come to realize that men and confusion are synonymous in my life. Somebody call AT&T at 6-1-1 because all I'm getting these days are mixed signals; something I'm not particularly fond of. If they like me, they stalk me and give me the creeps. If they don't like me, I take it extremely personal. If they play games I get vindictive, and the rest of it I'm just at a loss of words for.

Five star Good-for-nothing-&-gorgeous strikes again. I think I mentioned in yesterday's post that he made the mistake of texting me as though he hadn't ditched me on Friday night... Well...This afternoon he made the SAME faux-pas! It's taking so much resistance from me not to respond back to him saying "Hey, how do I unsuscribe from your annoyingly vague text messages?" or "I had a great time Friday night! Looking forward to being stood up by you again!" (Must give credit where it is due, my friend Rachel came up with that when we should've been studying matrices in Finite Math).

Honestly! Does G.F.N.&.G think he's going to get by solely on his looks? He's pretty- but not pretty enough to stand me up. ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY not. I refuse. And I certainly won't give him another opportunity to do it.

In the mean time, Crookers must be too busy doing what he does best (being a Crook) to be too concerned about texting me or calling me... Another WTF moment. Last week, he was telling me he loves me, this weekend we were kissing in public, and now what?! I must beg for attention? Are these dudes out of their mind?! Only Blair will really understand what I'm about to say but "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!"

My 7-11 stalker also hasn't contacted me, which is truly amazing. I have to be honest, I am truly grateful that we were both pretty much drunk when I gave him my number this time---I'm pretty sure my dyslexia comes on full-force when I'm drinking and I must have switched around the digits a bit. Or maybe he just took the hint when I told him that "I'm just not that kind of girl." as I flashed my left hand in front of his face. It's not a card I like to play often- I don't want to make a show of my values or morals, but I mean DANG! Some dudes are just grimey, and you literally have to spell it out for them. Horrendous.

All in all, this is a rather uneventful week for Little Miss Single. Bummer. The one guy who I want attention from is not ignoring me per se, but not giving me the same attention I was getting a week ago, and the guy who I've lost 99.9% of respect for now wants my undivided attention.

WHAT, EXACTLY is the deal here?!

That's how I feel about that.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Ironically Enough

When I started this blog it was because I wanted to help women realize that they didn't have to get caught up in craptastic relationships (such as I have in the past). What I ended up doing was writing up an entire play-by-play of the last 6 years of my life since my first ever boyfriend. My friends and co-workers always tease me that my relationships alone would constitute a rather dramatic talk show or reality show. I have to agree. I'm sorry if my blog isn't as much helpful as it may be (somewhat) entertaining. 

Before I get any further into this, I'd like to explain why I run my blog the way I do:
1- I come from a relatively small-town and am notorious for having numerous stalkers. 
2- Blake is not my real name, and I refuse to blog under my real name for reason #1.
3- Majority of the people I will be mentioning will have code names for a one very simple reason:I'd be mortified if I knew they found out I was blogging about them. I mean, I always accuse guys of being creepy...I'm definitely the creeper in this situation
4- I have some interesting life issues (immigration, mostly) which make me want to remain as anonymous as humanly possible.
5- I've read too many articles about people not getting JOBS over something they've posted on the internet. I don't want to be one of those people!

With all that said, here's a little background about me.
-The nickname Blake stems from Blake Lively. Supposedly, I'm sort of like her character on Gossip Girls? Who knows?
-I'm 20 years old and I live in suburban New Jersey. 
-I was born and raised in a teenyy tiny Canadian suburb, but my heart belongs to the USA
-I grew up on the Jersey shore, and New York City is my home away from home
-I'm a fashion merchandising (soon to be Marketing and Communications) major and I am currently waiting to hear back from the Fashion Institute of Technology in Manhattan.
-I'm quite the fan of country music
-I have one older sister, and come from a tight-knit family- I'm a daddy's girl the same way Miley Cyrus is with her daddy, and same thing with my Mom. My sister is an amazing woman, and we're way too much alike.
-I appear to be  very cold and heartless. I rarely ever cry and I've been compared to a Barbie doll. On the inside, I am a big blubbering baby.
-When it comes to relationships I can be a needy, annoying, nagging, desperate girlfriend. It's something I hate so much about myself that I'm trying desperately to change. 
- I don't drive (thanks to immigration issues) and it makes it hard to be as independent as I would like to be.
-I am extremely driven despite the obstacles which have been set forth in front of me and I frankly don't care how many lemons life hands me, I'll ask for limes instead and pop open a bottle of tequila.
-I never met a problem alcohol, duct tape, or a quick mile run couldn't fix. Kidding! Sort of.
-I ignore problems. For example, relationships are currently the last problem I should be thinking of, but it's so minor to everything else going on in my life that it's easier to blog about the less-important stuff. I enjoy writing and I don't want to write about things that wear me out. Does that make sense?
-I tend to idealize the men I date. It's so bad.
-I have always settled for less than I deserve and again, it's something I'm trying desperately to get away from.
-I dont think I'm particularly funny but at this moment my sister is crying laughing at me. Go figure.
-After this I will post an obscure photo of myself, at least so you have some sort of idea as to who I am...

I have to publish this now, before I become delirious.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Hanging In the Balance

I apologize for going MIA this last week. That apology goes out to the readers that I'd be surprised to know exist... Regardless, I apologize. So a bit of a play-by-play is due. I'll start at Valentine's Day, because really that's where I left off.

Before I go any further, I'd like to mention that one of my very close friends had a lovely baby girl, who is now almost 2 weeks old. Sondra Zoe, I loved you from the moment I knew you existed and I can't wait to meet you, peanut. Auntie Blake loves you <3

2/14/09 I had a lovely Valentine's day dinner with a good friend of mine, Rob Murphy. Rob and I have an interesting history. Two years ago, he was dating someone who I once called my best friend. That so-called best friend is now "that girl". She seems to be under the pretense that Rob and I have had the same relations as her and my ex, and I am obliged to tell the truth: we have not. Regardless, after his fraud b*tch of an ex-girlfriend broke up with him on VDAY he still had dinner reservations, which we took full advantage of. A nice dinner, a bottle of wine, and some cannolis later we were in much better spirits. He brought me home and I went out with my girlfriends to continue celebrating our singledom. Oh, and that idiot aka "5-star" who I was talking to? Texted me "Happy Valentine's Day, Baby." To which I (mentally) responded..."WHO YOU CALLIN' BABY?!" Ugh, five-star, you have since been demoted significantly. Turns out you were just another counterfeit...More on that later. Overall, a lovely day/night which I enjoyed in the company of coworkers, friends, and even more friends.

2/15/09 I can't quite remember what happened this day, really it all became a total blur within a few hours. I have an amazing male friend of mine, a few years older than me, who I recently reconciled with. We hadn't talked for a few years over some silly childish stuff- mostly things that I had brought upon when I loved the drama of it all. Regardless, we settled our differences and started hanging out again. I forgot just how much I missed him! He's one of the few males in my life who knows just about everything about me-specifically my family which is going through a lot right now.
So we were going for a ride in his car and then he turns to be and says:
"You know what I was thinking about the other day?"
"I was thinking, you know, that I love you."
"....Love me like how?"
"You know, like I just love you. I couldn't make up my mind. First I was like I think I love this girl, then I was like no...Five minutes later I was like I do though... And I do."
".......(lost in thought and shock)....."
"Do you love me too?"
"Well, I mean sure in some ways, I love you too."
My initial response was disbelief. He really caught me off guard. We always joked about getting married, but suddenly these things didn't seem like jokes anymore. He had always called me girlfriend or wifey, but those didn't seem so... carefree anymore. It's like when someone tells you that you look fat and adds "just kidding" at the end...You know they meant what they said. I know he meant it, and to be honest, I think I wanted to hear it.
Rewind two years and you'll see that I've sort of always had something going for this guy. I remember talking to him, watching some girl break his heart from far away. I was there when she was hurting him, I was there when he couldn't sleep- I loved him then, and I love him now. Above all, he's one of my closest friends and I wouldn't ever want to see him hurt. But you see, this violates my blog about "The 7 guys you should never date" Remember the best friend? *Sigh* Not saying I won't try it, but I'm not willing to lose him...Again. I must think of a nickname for this one, I think you'll be reading more about him. (edit: nickname has been selected---Crookers)

The rest of my week went by rather uneventfully...Five-star asked me when he could see me again, we made what I thought constituted plans, and I suppose I was wrong. He never even bothered to respond to my text message Friday afternoon asking if we were still going to meet up. My response? I deleted his contact info, his myspace message with his contact info, and did what any respectable woman will do when she gets stood up by the guy she wants so bad: have a few too many glasses of wine, and find the next cutest thing to make out with. And that, is exactly what I did.

I was lucky enough to run into one of my stalkers at 7-11 and true to his stalker ways, he followed my friend to her house and proceeded to make out with me. Perfect. It was just what I needed to get the rejection from 5-star out of my system. I kicked out stalkerazzo at 2:30a.m. and snuggled up to one of my best girlfriends for a good night's sleep. Ah, the life of a single 20-something, you will be missed and reminisced when the time comes, I'm certain of it.

2/21/09 Saturday night and Little Miss Single has no plans :( so Brynn, a fellow single girl and bitch baby called me to see if I wanted to go party with her. I managed to get my curfew pushed back an hour to 2:30a.m. and I was out like a bandit! Wouldn't you know it to be just my luck that the party we went to got busted before we even set foot in the door!!! Ah well, I was lucky anyway. My record is so squeaky clean it hurts, so sense is scratching it for a few cranberry vodkas. So we ended up in our favorite parking lot, where all the other people who didn't go to the party ended up, trying to find another party. I ended up running into Crooks, and watching him interact with other girls made me realize that, I didn't want him interacting with other girls. Not because he was flirtatious or anything of the sort- I just wanted his undivided attention, and undivided attention I got. I've told you all before- Blake wants, Blake gets. I did something which I've never done before. I deliberately kissed him on the mouth, in public. Its happened privately before- but in public? In front of people we know? Never. We've always denied being together before- it makes me wonder, what's so different about this time around? I knew he was jealous when 5-star and I were "talking" but I didn't know his feelings were that serious. To be perfectly honest I didn't realize mine were either, until I realized that I'd rather be sitting in a parking lot with him all night, talking about nothing, than going out to parties with my friends and getting drunk (such as a normal 20-year-old would do).

2/22/09 At work, recapping the previous night with my co-worker who asked me why I haven't blogged in a few days (hiya newbie!) and she says to me "Aww! You like him!" I'm totally embarassed about it, though. Not because he's not good looking or anything- he's a perfectly lovable human being- I guess I'm just embarassed that this came at me like a freight train and I didn't see it sooner. Why do you say that? The green lights were everywhere- the jealousy, the constant contact, the fact that he'll do just about anything for me- I had that confused with friendship, which I suppose was wrong. Even more embarassing is realizing that I have feelings for this guy, which I have repressed for so long over some silly things that happened two years ago. Go figure.

More on all of this later. Until then

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Ever have that feeling

Ever get that feeling that something mayyyyjah just happened? Like you go through so much with someone then something is done or said and it's such an eye opener? Stay tuned...

F*ck the Frauds

I promise, after I let this out I will get back to being positive and working towards goals for myself. Until then, I have to say this: F*ck the frauds! Truly these people are everywhere.  Think outside of yourself for a moment...Wall Street? Frauds! Big pharmaceutical companies? Frauds! Dermatologists who push SPF 50 in the winter months? Frauds! The government? Frauds! Anyone who is in a POWER POSITION in this life to f*ck over people ultimately does. Don't kid yourself. The world is full of frauds. If you're honest enough with yourself, you might realize that even you're a little bit fraudulent. I know, I'm honest enough with myself to be aware- I never said I was perfect, after all! 

I mean really, why should frauds be any different in the realm of relationships? You are what you are, right. And I mean, it is what it is. "Insurance fraud is intentional lying or concealment by policyholders to obtain payment of an insurance claim that would not otherwise be paid." Think about it. How many times have you dated a guy or girl who you have invested in (emotionally, physically, maybe even financially) and you find yourself getting the shaft? I mean, if they didn't fool you into thinking that they're such a grand person- you would never have invested that much in them to begin with! You'd have saved yourself the heartache right? But be real. This is not your fault. You can't control the fact that people are assholes. The only thing you can do is accept it. There is no way for you to know when someone is lying or embellishing the truth. When you meet someone, it's so easy to get wrapped up in what you THINK you're seeing that you forget to seek the truth.

We always say it is what it is. A fork is just that- a fork. It is, what it is, which is exactly what it is. Go with your gut- if you think he's  a player. A player is a player, which is exactly what it is- a player. Same thing with broads. A ho, is a ho, is a ho. You can't change people. 

If perception is truly reality- then maybe the frauds aren't the ones to blame. Maybe frauds are very open about their fraudulent ways and we don't want to see them for what they are. We idealize people to see who we want to see, not what they really are. Yeah- your girls pretty, she's sweet, she's everything but hold up- did you say "shady". You can't tell a tree to cast it's shade in another direction- it won't be any different with this shady tree. 

Is it a tough pill to swallow? Yup. Mostly because while I'm feeding it to you, I'm feeding it to myself, too. I have to admit it to myself: I idealize people, I don't always see them the way I should- the way they are. Admittedly , there's been a few times in life where I was the fraud- and then I grew up. What good does it do someone to pretend that they're someone they're not? The truth always surfaces, you always end up showing your true colors, and honestly in the end people just end up getting pist (which for me often results in stalkers...)

Here's a message to all the frauds out there: you know who you are. You're the players who either a) refuse to settle down or b) settle for less because you're too insecure to find someone decent and worthwhile. Newsflash- we see right through you  and your ability to mass text message every girl in your phone. This is to all the broads who've ever screwed over a hard-working dude because you could, or because something better came along. Because you knew exactly how to play  "the games" to get what you want. Reality check, babes- dudes are not as stupid as they let on- they're onto you. And when they're not, they have girls like me to keep them in check. I have nothing to say to the girls except a big *f_ck you!* because these girls ruin it for the good ones like me, and don't even deserve to have the good guys know their name. 

Saturday, February 14, 2009


Monopoly. Guess who? Mall madness. Payday. Life. Nintendo 64. Game boy. UNO. I used to love games when I was a kid. Who wouldve guessed I would grow up to hate them so much?

Remember the one where you would attach one cup to another using string and use it as a phone line? I once begged my parents for my own personal line (which I didn't receive until my first mobile when I was 15). I never wouldve imagined in a million years that I would resent the telephone so much.

Technology has done so little for dating. With the exceptions of dating websites (which contrary to popular belief often fail) I think all of the social networking creates difficulty in relationships. Think of it:
A) Is it convenient or just another way for them to manage the many people they're already talking to? If a guy wants to make you a priority does he call you? How often? What if he's busy, what if you're busy?
B) It enables us to make excuses for people... He doesn't have service in Wyoming, that girl just has a crush on him. Nevermind the incriminating photos- he explained them already!
C) Drama, drama, drama- if I had a dollar for each time I had a platonic friend who's girlfriend despises me; I wouldn't need to work. These girls have no idea who I am and judge me. They create a problem of me without so much as seeing my profile.

The problem with technology is that it's so impersonal. I mean really there's a big difference between a voicemail which says "hiya Blake just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you." and a text that says the SAME exact thing. For all I know, I could be just another name on your mass text message list.

It's also like permanently being stuck in a time warp: just how long DID it take him to respond to your last text? You'll have to wait just as long, if not longer! Anything less and you'll surely appear desperate! Didn't hear from him for 2 days? You have two choices: either wait 3 days to text him (must not be outdone) or delete his phone number! With all the excuses you're capable of making up for him, you'll be able to talk yourself out of it. Besides, you can always myspace him, right? Technology leads to obession- the unhealthy kind!

Take it from someone who knows. This blog is brought to you from my iPhone which is also equipped with facebook, myspace, and aol instant messenger. I can also receive emails, just in case you're really desperate to reach me. Fear not, I check them all furiously throughout the day!

I need an intervention.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Fine, I admit it

It's officially V-Day. I'm hatin' big time. Truth is, I can front as much as I want but I have plenty to be somewhat bitter or hostile about. 

5 star? Taking his sweeettttt old time even coming around. I won't hold my breath. Dang. I really liked him, too. Go figure. The first guy to actually meet my recently updated standards and be into me--- this can't work out right? Freakin re'. Story of my life so far.

Even my ex isn't stalking me anymore. Can a girl get any kind of love or attention without practically having the beg these days?! I kid, I kid. If I hear from him today it may be reason enough for me to go Friday the 13th on your @sse$. Just sayin'.

Facebook stalker? No more. I guess he got the hint. Except I saw him standing outside of my course room at school the other day. Creeepyyyy. Especially because he clearly saw me approaching and turned away. If you're going to stalk me, you really ought to work on your social skills and at least say hello. Increase your odds, maybe a little bit. Oh well.

And in referrence to "that girl" and "ex mama's boy" all I'm going to stay is this. F*ck that girl, honeslty it's E.X.M.B. that I'm dissapointed in. He knows that good news travels fast, and worst that I live in a small town. Just because he's living in a big city on the West side, doesn't mean social networks don't still connect. I'm hurt for a few reasons:
1. After we broke up, E.X.M.B. and I stayed friends--- I knew there was something going on with those two and I've given him numerous opportunities to tell me the truth. He never did. That hurts me- I just wanted to hear it from him. After 2 years of being loyal to the both of them, I figured I could at least have that courtesy.
2. Up until this, he was the only boyfriend I ever had who didn't betray me. He didn't cheat, he didn't lie, he was the best. This disproves it. Now instead of having had 7+ shitty dudes in my life I gotta bump the total up. No, in all seriousness- he let me down. I figured he respected me, I guess I was wrong because if he respected me I'd be cool with it.
3. I just figured he would love me forever. I know its selfish. But it freaks me out that he chose her. Any one else but her.

It kills me, because I know they're both living a lie. She's just like me, so she fills the voids I left behind. And he's nothing but a bank to her. I feel sorry for E.X.M.B because he's never going to wise up, he's always going to be this naive and think that everyone is GOOD. She is truly an evil, coniving girl, and a thief to boot. I'm not perfect, no one is but gosh this girl is about as far from a good girl as you can be. If I knew she loved him, if I knew they were really in love, I wouldn't care. I know better, I know you can't help who you fall for. But I know him and I know her- I know it's not him she loves, it's the lifestyle he brings to the table.

Sad, but true.

Happy V-day to you lucky coupled few.
I need to find a bar that doesn't card.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

An Open Letter to "That Girl"

That Girl is the girl who is your best friend and suddenly decides to go after your boyfriend or recent ex. That girl is the girl who really had herself fooled for a minute, thinking she could EVER fill your shoes. That girl is the girl who you will always wonder if there was ever anything GENUINE about her, ever. You will find yourself questioning every motive of hers, until you dump her sorry ass at the same time you dump Mama's boy. 

Dear That Girl,
You know who you are. I'm about to do something I never do: put my very personal life on the internet for the WORLD to read. I get a kick out of it though- I think you owe it to the world to show your true colors. If I'm showing mine but writing this and publishing, so be it. I may be red with anger, white with shock, I could be a list of things- but you will always be green with envy.
From the moment I met you I felt that I had to become your friend. Make no mistake, there was nothing compelling about you. Not your too-long face, bad makeup, or awkward body. However, I was in the beginning stages of a relationship with someone who I really cared for- and I knew you were a problem waiting to happen. The moment I met you I knew I had to keep my friends close and my enemies closer. Did you REALLY ever think you were that important? Funny how you thought you got one over on me, love. I'm the one laughing now. There is nothing more gratifying than knowing that you are so desperate to be me that you would actually relocate to be with my sloppy seconds.
The funny thing is I always knew you were disgustingly jealous of me- something which I rarely would suspect (readers: I am not vain or mean, this is just the plain truth). I could see how angry you were every time you saw us together, until you finally found yourself someone to call your own. It wasn't long until you took that one so far out for a ride that he couldn't stand you anymore. I have to hand it to you, girl- you really know how to exhaust someone- financially, emotionally, and psychologically. You are one big mindf*ck waiting to happen.
You were never shy about your promiscuity (despite having a long-distance boyfriend), so I can't really say that I'm shocked. I suppose dissapointed is the word. I do have to wonder though, since you're so clearly with my ex now and he lives an entire continent away from you- are you as loyal to him as you were your ex ;) He's a nice boy, you know. Lonely, perhaps. He doesn't deserve to be played- that's why I left him in the first place. At least I was grown enough to admit that I was too young to settle down. You are so blinded by the opportunities (because that's all this is to you- an opportunity to PROFIT off of someone's love for you) that you forget that there is a person's love on the line. You're a stupid c*nt. And I don't use that word as loosely as you use yours.
It's so funny that I am still so in your head--- I know you think I've been with your ex. Let me make myself clear: he's my best friend, my rock, thanks to you too idiots. Yes, I broke up with long-distance boy, but what did you think it didnt hurt at all? I didn't feel a damn thing right? And losing a girl who I spent all of my days and nights with- that was no big deal right? Your boy was my only point of referrence for the last 2 years of my life at that point- of course I turned to him! And why not? You made it plenty clear that you two had turned to eachother. Not to mention, if I wanted to be with your boy, I wouldn't have waited. You know better than that. Blake gets what she wants, when she wants it. Be real with yourself, I could've had your man when you were still with him. I didn't because it's not like that, and because I've got a little more class than to scam on other's dudes- even post-breakup.
Do either of you owe me an explanation? No, not really. Though a real woman, and any man with a proper set of balls would be able to admit the news to me. Personally, I think you two minions deserve eachother- you're both spoiled to death, and you plane ticket is a one-way ticket to Nowherefast. It's been years, and I have to be honest, the only thing that keeps me this angry is that neither of you have the galls to admit what you've done. You two must really love each other, playing this game of hide-and-seek. When you love someone you scream it from the rooftops- not from the well.

With Love,
Blakey Baby

Ps- Your boy still texts me. Turns out the sequel truly is never as good as the original. Tough luck, love. Best wishes & kisses.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Blakes life - love

Just in case you were wondering, while I'm not busy overanalyzing every text 5-star has ever sent me... This is a snapshot of my life:

I am a student at a local community college. I currently hold a 3.58 GPA. It used to be a 3.76- I hate myself for that.

I work full-time as a tanning salon manager. I've been at the same spot for 3 years and I take a lot (sometimes too much) ownership. But it pays my bills and most of the time I'm happy. Lately I'm dying for a change of scenery. Preferrably new York city.

My family is wonderful but has undergone a lot of changes in the last 5 years. There are things about you that you could never know, and wouldn't even suspect. Dig a little deeper, you will find that not all that glitters is gold. All is fair in inheritance and family... I'll stop there.

My friends are all lovely ladies, with the exception of a few studs. Many I've known since my preteen or early teen years. I'm still learning how to trust and it's difficult. Most of my friends are single.

I have no time for hobbies except writing which is often done from my mobile. Sad, but true.

The truth is I have no time for love in my life, but I would make time if I were presented a decent opportunity. *sigh* lonely hearts

Is it Single's Awareness Day Yet?

"I see you looking and I know what you think
You’re getting braver with every drink but
I am telling you something you need to know
She may look like a sweet young thing
Talking to him but she ain’t hearing a thing
If you were smart you’d turn around and let her go
That girls’ a Barbie doll
A Barbie doll
She’s real good-looking but she’s got no heart at all
She puts on her makeup and drives to the bar in her
Boyfriend’s old man’s brand-new car
She’s got no idea what she does or why
She does whatever she wants I guess
Whatever comes first or whatever looks best
Nobody I know has ever seen her cry"

Thank you, Jack Ingram- for a song about the story of my life.
Now if only someone cared enough to help me change my plastic ways, maybe I'd stand a chance at this love thing.

It's not that I'm not capable of loving, or crying, or any of the above. To be honest, I'm petrified of everything LOVE is and stands for. Even coming from my own family- I have such a hard time accepting it. 

It wasn't always like this. I remember being a go-getter, I remember being brave, almost fearless. I remember when I thought I was so good that no one was good enough for me. Now I feel like I'm tainted- I'm not good enough for anyone else. An unfortunate dose of Karma, or just the psychological turnout of dating all of the wrong guys?

I don't want to be cold and hard- it's not what it seems at all. I want to heal (from everyone that's hurt me), I want to move on (from all the choices I regret), I want to find someone worth loving. Why is that so difficult to convey? Oh, right. Because it involves swallowing my pride and changing my damn stubborn, pig headed ways. It's like I need a mental and emotional bootcamp where I become aware of how deserving and capable I am of being loved. It's like I need to learn how to be human again and feel things without being embarassed or ashamed. Why is it that I can't practice what I preach? Just today I was telling a friend of mine that no one should ever tell her she's wrong for how she's feeling. Why can't I give myself the same liberty of feeling what I'm feeling- regardless of how much it forces me to be vulnerable?

Maybe vulnerability is key- maybe then I'd stand a chance. Until then, loneliness beckons like an old friend and I snuggle up, alone again. I'm OK, but I'm not satisfied. I suppose tomorrow is another day.


Just for the record

I know my writing may come off as rough, hostile, with a dash of pessimism. I'd just like to add that I am neither jaded nor bitter- I'm just upfront and honest. I've had the misfortune of dating a lot of the wrong guys (for me, anyway) and I figure if I share my lessons learned, I might spare someone the heartache. I've been burnt one too many times not to carry a fire extinguisher, is all I'm sayin'

With that said, I do have to wonder...When will I finally lose the extinguisher and move on with my life? I'd love to let go of my mistakes some day, so I can find someone new. Someone who doesn't scare me away (or rather, doesn't allow me to scare myself out of the budding relationship). 

Perfect Example? I'm currently "talking to" someone my friends and I refer to as 5-star. He's everything a guy should be, for me anyway. And he's into me. In theory, this seems so simple. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, they hang out, sparks fly, and the rest is history. So far it's been something a little more like this: 
Boy likes girl, girl says "thank you" and basically whispers "I like you too." 
Boy tells girl that she's beautiful...repeatedly, girl says "Stop."
Boy asks "Why don't you have a boyfriend or 10..." Girls says "Why, so I can have 10 more problems?!"
Boy tells girl he'd like to see her again soon, girl says "Ok, let me know when.", 
Boy seems to be getting fed up with lack of response, girl is telling herself "Don't F*ck this one up!!!" 
Girl can't bring herself to make a move. Girl feels pathetic & powerless, thus girl IS pathetic & powerless- something she hasn't encountered in a long time.

Ladies, do me a favor. Take my advice on which guys not to date...Don't take my advice on trying to land the one you want, smoothly. I'm still working out the kinks in that one. Any suggestions?!

It's sick how I always manage to land myself in the same pattern, as hard as I try not to. Thanks "He's Just Not that Into You" for ruining my love life. If there was ever a book I wish I hadn't read, that would be it. Though I have to admit, the movie was cute. I just don't believe that courting can be so one-sided in 2009. One on my to read list though is "Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach For the Love You Deserve."


Saturday, February 7, 2009

The 7

The Bible tells Christians about the 7 Deadly sins. I am nowhere near as gracious or wise as The Book itself- but I do have a slight inkling of wisdom when it comes to men. Ladies heed my advice: the 7 types of men & the relationships they offer that I'm about to list are to be avoided at all costs. That is unless you enjoy feeling robbed of your dignity and healthy sense of pride, then by all means proceed to date the guys who don't even deserve to know your name!

**Note: If you've been burnt once or twice by a guy that falls into this category maybe it's time to re-evaluate what kind of men you're attracting and why. A little soul-searching never killed anyone.

The Bullshitter
Personality Type- These guys are usually salesmen of some type- they have this incredible, charming, personality which almost instantly wins you over. It doesn't take long for their true colors to show however, and the charming sweet-talker you knew a month ago has now reared his ugly head as a controlling, manipulative, and downright condescending jerk! But here's the kicker, he's had you hooked from the get-go. There is probably not a chance in Hades that you will escape this relationship unscathed because you will be so wrapped up in what used to be that you'll forget to remember that your boyfriend is a complete total ass. Because he's so good in sales, he'll figure out your weaknesses, and hit you where it hurts (in my case that was both emotionally and physically). If you're young and naive (as I was) he might even be able to convince you that he's the one. All of his actions are clear and concise, and very well thought out; if he was to commit murder it would certainly be premeditated. Don't ever let a bullshitter tell you that it "just happened" when he cheats on you (because he will- he loves to lie), because he knew damn well he was going to cheat. These dudes are psychos and they love the chase- once they break up with you they'll be coming back for more, so if you find yourself in this situation I have one piece of advice: change your phone number, pronto post-break up.
Relationship type: If you're looking to be bored, controlled, manipulated, and molded into his idea of a trophy wife, by all means date a bullshitter. You will never feel so alone as when you do a bullshitter; he will rarely return your calls, and make you feel like you're the crazy one. You will probably end up really well-off financially and they'll be able to afford to put you in the best loony bin when you finally lose all your carefully-measured self control.

The Best Friend
Personality Type: This is the best friend you've had for years and always wondered "what if". The only problem is-he's your pal, your best bud, your shoulder to lean on. He loves you and you love him, but somewhere down the line one of you may realize that they are indeed probably never going to be IN love with you. There will be another lucky girl who you will get brushed aside for. He's fun, he's outgoing, probably the life of the party- in your eyes anyway. You know everything about each other and are completely comfortable- that's the problem.
Relationship Type:Fuggetaboutit- unless he expresses interest in you, and then accept that you may just be the hook-up anyway. Why? Because you know too much already, and he HAS you. There's no challenge in attaining someone who's your best friend so once you give it up, you'll quickly become old news. If you want to spend the next few months licking your wounds as your best friend goes through the hunt for his new girl, by all means make the mistake of hooking up with him to "test the waters". Unless the words "I want a relationship with you" escape from his mouth, do not, I repeat: DO NOT date your best friend. Because once he dumps your sorry ass for New Nancy, you'll be out for a friend AND a boyfriend.

The Mama/Daddy's/ Legal Guardian's Boy
Personality Type: This guy doesn't even know what a pair of big boy pants look like- let alone actually OWN them. He's spoiled, often a younger sibling in the family. He hasn't ever worked a day in his life, his parents pay his car payment, and they might as well wipe his "tush" after he goes "poo". However, he is usually very well-kept, clean, loving, and big-hearted. He'll spoil the crap out of you, mostly because it's not his money, thus he doesn't care. There is nothing he won't do for you. On the other hand, he expects the same in return, even though he practically begs to be a welcome mat.
Relationship Type:
If you can manage to actually fall in love with this loser, we'll be surprised if you don't fall out within a few months or so. You'll have to battle with the mom/dad/legal guardian for the "lead role" in this person's life because you are the love interest, and they are the bank. If and when you win that battle you have to take on the battle of motivating them to do something productive with their life. If and when that ever happens (don't worry, if your smart you'll quit when you're ahead), you'll probably be so fed up of babying this person that you will gladly dump their sorry ass and send them running back to mama. If you're looking to be kept, bored, and have someone (and his extended family) waiting on you 24/7- go right ahead. Don't say I didn't warn you when you get threatening voice mails from his older sister after the break up. Oh and anything they gave you "out of the goodness of their own heart" during the course of the relationship, will now be held above your head for the rest of eternity. Enjoy.

The Filler
Personality Type: So while you were busy trying to sabotage your relationship with the M.D.LG.B so he would leave you alone, you met "the filler". Much like Botox, this boy exists to fill the little voids in your life that most people don't notice. This is the guy that you would typically NEVER date- he is the exact opposite of the M.D.LG.B- exactly what you think you need after those exhausting months of being spoiled to death. This guy is interesting, very attractive, independent, and confident to boot. He's not very sincere, and he certainly won't be the one to shower you with compliments- he just IS. That's why he's the filler- there's no point to him being there except to be your transition back to the single life.
Relationship Type: He won't call when he says he will, and at best he'll refer to you as F.W.B (friends with benefits). If you have absolutely no self-respect or expectations, I suppose this could be fun for you. Just don't make the mistake of getting attached to a filler- even he's aware of how disposable he is. That's why he won't really respect you, or look at you the way you ought to be looked at. He'll never trust you, and quite frankly he doesn't give a crap. You will NEVER even make it to his priority list.

The (Really really) Bad Boy (read:Grown Ass Man)
Personality Type: He's got a lot of the same traits as the bullshitter- he's charming, smart, incredible, and also typically older than you. Sometimes a lot older, which automatically gives him the upper hand in the relationship. He's a go-getter and will stop at nothing to get what he wants: in your pants! At first glance he is responsible, caring, and attentive. Be careful though, it won't be long until you're at the bottom of his priority list and he becomes preoccupied with his "responsibilities". He lies compulsively (mostly to cover his tracks to getting what he wants) and wholeheartedly plans on buying your love, it also won't be long until he's one big jealous mess. He has nothing but the "best intentions" for you two. He's just confused and doesn't know how he's going to make it happen. Deep down you'll realize that you deserve better, but you'll want to help out this "bad boy" so he might SOMEDAY wake up and realize what he has (newsflash: he won't). They're prone to partying, gambling, drug addiction, and loving illegal weapons. Lovely.
Relationship Type: If you're smart it won't be long until you realize that he reeks of insincerity. If you're as naive as I once was, you'll believe him when he says he just "needs some time" to get over whatever issues he has (which will range from anything between being laid off or not paying his child support). In the meantime, he will wine and dine you until the end of time, shower you with gifts to prove his affection for you. He will also wine and dine whoever it is he plans on getting with that particular weekend and then push the blame on you. If he's out cheating (which much like the bullshitter, it's almost guaranteed he will) he will come home and accuse you of cheating-repeatedly. You will spend a great chunk of your time picking up his messes- like the time when he's going to come home from the bar with a black eye (probably fighting some guy for his girlfriend) and a bloody lip. Don't expect too much from this one, most likely he'll disappear and you'll never hear from him again. That is, unless he needs your money to support one of his many addictions, pay his past-due child support, or bail him out.
**The scariest part about being in love with a bad boy is that it scars you for life. As women we often want to help people who cannot accept help- they're just too far gone. Honestly if someone you know and love has these problems it is not up to you to fix them. You are not their care taker, nor are you their lawyer. Steer clear, they will cause nothing but problems in your life and rid you of everything you have- including your dignity. I highly suggest you cut your loses before it's too late. The drama of a bad boy can become addictive and you will waste your life worrying and/or caring for them.

The Potential Stalker
Personality Type: Usually of the foreign variety these boys are exciting, fun, extremely attentive, and will shower you with affection. In theory, they are everything a boyfriend should be- perhaps even more fabulous. They are good, maybe even wholesome guys. Until you see them lurking outside of your house. Their sense of humor is usually not up-to-par and he certainly becomes jealous in the long run. Don't you fret, he'll have you running for the hills long after you break up!
Relationship Type: The courting stage of this will be fantastic. You two will have everything in common and enjoy spending almost all of your spare time together. But he can read you like an open book, and the second he senses you're beginning to get bored he's going to pull in those reigns. He's going to become controlling and jealous and demand more and more of your time when all you're going to want to do is run away. Post-break up he will continue to find excuses to see you: he'll come eat at the restaurant where you work, sign up for classes on days he know you'll be at school, this guy will do just about anything to keep you close. Your friends might even tell you that he creeps them out slightly. Heed my warning ladies there is nothing more off-putting than a stalkerazzo. It won't be long until he creeps you out beyond belief, and until you (once again) have to change your phone number. He'll have you trying different hair colors so you're not as recognizable as you once were. Hell, if he's really involved, his friends will stalk you for him when you get a restraining order. If you're one of the lucky few that can pull off any hair color and loves attention, I'd say go for it- the only thing you have to lose is your identity when you're forced into the Witness Protection Program.

and finally...

The Counterfeit
Personality Type: This guy is everything, and I mean everything you've ever dreamed of. He's handsome, well-spoken, driven, motivated, hard-working, caring, responsible- the list is endless. He doesn't seem to have any major flaws. That's because when it comes to playing cover-up this guy's got more game than MAC Studio Fix. The counterfeit tends to be overall dishonest. You'll get that its-too-good-to-be-true vibe, because IT IS!
Relationship Type: There is good news: You don't have to worry about him cheating on you because he will never officially date you, let alone commit to you. In the beginning he will lure you in with his amazing qualities, and tell you that he wants to "take it slow" and "build something". Take my word for it, the only thing a Counterfeit builds in the time he spends with you is his own ego and self-esteem which have probably suffered from the one time he got burnt by his ex (who he trashes on a regular basis but is still in love with). He will want to spend every waking moment with you, until that reoccurring love pain comes back and he either dumps you for his ex, or says he needs some "alone time". I promise you, the counterfeit will leave you high and dry. So how do you tell a counterfeit from a genuine good guy? Red flags to look for include: someone who talks too much about his ex, doesn't give you space, commitment phobia, and just that feeling that he's always keeping you on your toes: because he is. He will take his sweet time to break it to you, and it won't be long before he's calling you "kid" so you get the hint. So take the hint, kiddo and find yourself a real man.

In Yo Face!

Probably one of the hardest parts of living where I live (suburban small-town New Jersey. yikes!) is that you know everyone. And if you happen to meet someone new, you probably have heard of them, or know someone who knows someone who's at least heard of them. There are no surprises and there is no mystery that a high school year book cannot resolve. It's not just my town either- all of the surrounding towns have the same issue, and when we mix, its basically one big show of Guess Who?!

So how exactly does one go about meeting new people in a town this small? You don't. I mean there's always going to be "that guy" that you never spoke to before, or maybe he's never been single when you were, etc. But for the most part, you know who you know and that's about it. It's depressing! You can't even form your own opinion of the person you're dating because before you even had your first phone conversation, you'd heard something about him or her that was unfavorable. You practically wince when you walk into the movies, because you see about 10 different people who you have to say "hello" to- this usually includes at least an ex-hookup. Or, if you're really lucky like me, you'll end up tipsy at Friday's after a company party only to run into the piece of crap who hurt you last, pouring his every bit of attention on his ex (who you got dumped for). God forbid you make any bad decisions, because then you my friend, are S.O.L in this town! You can't even lie (or at least it would be silly to) because there are so many people who know the truth.

Sometimes it's difficult for me to fathom that there are even smaller towns out there. My town isn't even that small- maybe I'm biased to think so. The problem is that theres no real way to escape it. When I'm at work, I can encounter at least 1-2 people a day whom I've previously dated or been interested in. When I'm out with my friends, I can encounter countless guys- but they're all the same; I've been there, done that, and this is where it's gotten me! At the gym? FORGET IT! First of all how anyone can become attracted to me seeing me on my cardio half-hour is b e y o n d me, and second of all, even if I don't know them I can tell you about them within about 2 minutes of conversation. BORING. Stupid, boring, small town.

Still in hopes that Mr. Smalltown might not be a total dickwad...

Friday, February 6, 2009

How do I do this?

How am I so hot and cold? It's one of the things I hate the most in a guy, so why am I like that?

I've been talking to this guy- I fall asleep thinking of him, talk about him all day, and last night when I dreamt of him I realised it wasn't the first time. It certainly SEEMS like I'm into him. He's handsome, sweet, and a gentleman. So what's the issue?

Truthfully I couldn't tell you. Lately I feel that I have a hard time letting others in on my life. I've been playing hermit and it's not doing me much good. He nailed it on the head too, the first time we hung out. He was nervous and said I was hard to read. That's not me. I've never been the mysterious type. I'm so afraid of having a mistep or being hurt that I'm not even being myself! I keep telling myself maybe this is the RIGHT way because my past never led me to a good place before, but I'm petrified.

I barely know this person and I'm already judging him by others' standards. I think I complicate things more than I should by not taking peoples words at face value- I'm always looking for the underLYING meaning- always expecting the worst. I expect men to treat me badly therefore I attract their worst traits, I may as well have a stamp on my forhead which reads : HURT ME PLEASE!!!

I suppose it comes down to the fact that my faith in humanity has been dramatically reduced by the clowns I've dated both in the past and recently. I'm petrified of "taking things slow" because some stupid book put it in my head that a guy who really likes you will be all over you. That's what I get for treating "he's just not that into you" as my dating bible.

Correct me if I'm wrong: a guy who you text with everyday, who tells you he's thinking of you, and wants to see you again soon, is into you.

So how do I manage to convince myself he's not? Because he takes a little longer to respond to my texts? Because we haven't set a date and time for the second date? I'm either pathetic, losing my mind, or a little bit of both!

Reasons why Blake hates dating!!!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Monday, February 2, 2009

Major Turn-Off's

When Bia and I get bored, we make lists. Included in our first list was things that we find to be HUGE turn off's in guys. We figured if we shared this list with others maybe, just maybe some guy out there would hear women's cry for help! Here we go:

No goals
Blake says: I have life goals and you should too, otherwise I'm going to feel like I'm always gonna have to push you in the right direction. I want to be your girl, not your mother so put your big boy pants on and set some goals for yourself.
Blake says: TLC had it all sorts of right. "A scrub is a guy that thinks he's fly And is also known as a buster Always talkin' about what he wants And just sits on his broke ass A scrub is a guy that cant get no love from me Hanging out the passenger side Of his best-friend's ride Trying to holla at me" Ok first of all, don't ever Holla or Holler at a girl. Automatic DENIAL. If you don't have a car, you don't have a job n you're a straight up mooch- vamoose baby!
Blake says: Not sure how many times we're gonna quote the 90's here (we're showing our age, Bia) but a bugaboo is a lame ass dude who doesn't let you alone for a minute. Now hold on- I like attention just as much as the next girl but DANG, I need my space sometimes too. Girls night out? Don't be blowin up my phone. If I'm at work, don't call me every 5 minutes, and don't show up unnannounced when you know I don't wanna see your annoying a$s.
No Motivation
Blake (and Celebrity guest appearance Rachel) says: We want career-oriented men, we go to school and put in our time, you should too! How am I supposed to believe you'll ever take care of me if you can't even motivate yourself to get out of bed in the morning?
Drug or alcohol problems
Blake says: Story time! Once upon a time, I had a boyfriend who thought that smoking weed with his buddies was higher on his priority list than hanging out with me. I blew it off for awhile until one day it came out that smoking weed with his buddies was also higher on the priority list than paying his child support. Imagine my surprise! Sorry boys, but clean yourselves up- or else you're never gonna get a good girl.
Not in shape (and we don't mean round)
Blake says: Ok, ok- I don't have a 6-pack. My arms aren't diesel. But I make sure that when I step on the beach in the summer no one has to shield their eyes! I stay healthy, I look good, now why on earth would I want to be with a guy who can't even do that much for himself.
Poor hygeine
Blake says: Is there anything nastier than a stanky smellin' dude? Didn't think so.
Blake says: I'm not saying take me to dinner and a movie every night. What I'm saying is, don't ask me to pay for my movie ticket on the first date. Don't suggest that we split the bill. Better to handle it (without wincing!) and let me pretend that I'm entertaining the idea of paying part of it. A few months down the road and this becomes a completely different story. Until then, don't be a cheapstake. Please!
Bad sense of humor
Blake says: There is nothing more awkward than hanging out with an unfunny dude. It's the WORST thing ever. Hell, if you're not funny, poke fun at how awkward you are. That's what I do. I'm one of the least funny people I know, but I always manage to crack a smile, and get a laugh out.
Conceited and arrogant
Blake says: I'll cool ya as$ down if you think you're hot sh!t. I will leave you in the dust, wondering what went wrong. End of Story. A guy with a conceited and arrogant attitude needs a serious reality check. If you think you're too good for me, don't bother. Find someone "in your own league" and do us "minions" a favor.
No confidence
Blake says: on the other half of the spectrum you've got the guy who's smoking hot and doesn't know it. It's like this guy doesn't even own a mirror. Hello? It's me, Blake calling to tell you- I won't go on a date with an ugly guy! If I'm out with you, I have some sort of attraction to you (unless you're a friend and you're creepin on me!)
Blake says: I'm a fashion major. There's no way in hades, that anyone is going to tell me what to wear unless their name is Stacy London, Clinton Kelly, Elle, Vogue, or Cosmo. Capiche? You also will not tell me who my friends are, what I'm going to do in my spare time, or any of that. Rest assured if a good girl is with you- she doesn't need to be controlled.
Blake says: really? You don't like my friends? You don't even like me spending time with my family? You hate the people I work with? Do you hate me too?! There is only one you and only one me- no reason to be jealous, because again-if a good girl is with you, you don't have anything to be jealous OF.
Blake says: Story time! I hadn't even gone on a date with this guy yet, and he called my phone at 6:54a.m. to tell me that he had a flat tire and NEEDED someone to talk to. He kept me on the phone until 7:30a.m. talking about nonsense. There is no need for that sort of neediness. That's what your mothers are for.
Blake says: If I had a dollar for every time I suspected someone was stalking me I'd be a very rich lady. Honestly, if a good girl says she's going to be somewhere- that's where she'll be. She'll check in with you and let you know what's up. So put away the binoculars, boys!
Blake says: it's pretty self-explanatory. Don't get mad over stupid stuff, don't flip out, and certainly don't ever raise your hand at a good girl. If you suspect you have issues I'm happy to point you in the right direction- far far away from me!
Picky eaters
Blake says: I hate going out to eat with a guy who hates everything that touches his lips. I hate it because I know eventually I'm going to have to cook for your picky butt and it's going to be annoying when nothing i make is ever good enough.
Bad manners
Blake says: it doesn't take much to be a gentleman. Come to the front door. Open the car door. Open the car door when you arrive at the destination, open the door at the destination, let her walk ahead of you, pay for her (remember: no wincing!). GIRLS NOTICE THIS CRAP! And yes, it matters! A lot. Especially when you're dealing with an old-school good girl!
Blake says: oh my lawd. Ok I know its 2009. We've past the sexual revolution. Christina Aguilera came out with "Can't Hold Us Down" when I was younger and I agreed- I don't think a guy should get away with any more than a girl does sex-wise. But leave "the talk" for AFTER you've become a couple. Don't make awkward sexual advances, don't make weird suggestions or ask for pervy photos. You will be DENIED. Why? Because its 2009- and if Miley Cyrus' stuff is leaking on the internet...well, I certainly wouldn't want to be her.
Blake says: If you're going to get with another girl, break up with me first. Don't be the scumbag who thinks he can get away with it because you wont. We smell cheat on you boys like a hound smells blood. The guilt is writen on your face so don't even try to lie about it. Which brings us to...
Blake says: Ok. You messed up, you got caught, and you know it. FESS UP. Stop the lying. Even if you're doing it to impress us- come on. You know how the world works- the truth always surfaces. Don't be lame.
Always late
Blake says: I know how long it takes me to get ready. Anywhere between 1-3 hours, depending on the occassion and how much BS'ing I'm going to do in between. I have to wash my hair, blow dry it, wash my face, put on my makeup, brush my teeth, find the right outfit, find the right shoes, find the right accessories, and the right bag. This gives YOU plenty of time to take a shower, shave, do your hair, get dressed and be on time.
Too metro
Blake says: Here's an algebra problem for you. If it takes Blake 2.55 hours to get ready and takes Boy A 3.55 hours to get ready and an extra .5 hours to arrive at Blakes house, how long is it until Blake gets fed up and decides she can't date a pretty boy?
Too much body hair
Blake says: I wax regularly- what I wax exactly I'll leave up to your imagination (remember, we don't like perverts). If you look like you belong in the jungle book, you should too.
Blake says: One of mine and Bia's favorite games is "Imagine if..." and then we describe some crazy, over-the-top scenario where unlikely things happen. We've always had big imaginations. If the lights are on but no one's home, I'm not going to be ringing the doorbell. If you know what I mean.
"Falling Short"
Blake says: A literal LOL here... Bia and I have different definitions of falling short. Mine is quite literally, height. I can't date a guy who's the same height or shorter than me. I like guys who are 6'0" or taller.
Overly emotional
Blake says: Not for nothin but I rarely ever cry. I'm not saying I want you to be a robot- but I hate when a guy is too flippant, or otherwise too emotional. You're freakin me out, man. What happened to the big boy pants?!
Way too into their "hood"
Blake says: I wonder if this happens on the West Coast... Out here, you meet a guy from Brooklyn, Staten Island, Jersey City, whatever it is, and it's like they think they're Biggie freakin' Smalls. You didn't invent Brooklyn, it survived before and will survive after you. Same thing if you're one of 'em "southarn bois" Oh my Lawd. I have no patience for you people. You are where you're from RIGHT NOW! Kick the accent and get over your hood.
Acting gay
Blake says: Hey I mean if you're gay, you're gay. But you can't be my gay boyfriend. Don't touch other dude's butts (not even jokingly), dont make passes at dudes (jokingly), just don't do any of that. Why would you ever want your girl to second-guess your sexuality?!
Wandering eyes
Blake says: All eyes on me, all the time. Spare the chick-scoping for when you're with the "boyz" in the "hood" before I rip your eyeballs out k?
Too comfortable
Blake says: Farting? Burping? Just all-around being a gross boy? Save it for your boys, or better yet make like sex and save it for marriage.
Hot and cold
Blake says: Katy Perry had it right. No one likes a dude who runs hot and cold. One second you're practically in love with me, the next day you don't even get in touch with me? What's your deal? You either want to be with me or not. I hate gray areas- dating is VERY black and white to me. Pick one.
No good friends
Blake says: You're the hottest, nicest guy in town but your friends are a bunch of tools. Two things are gonna happen 1. I'm not gonna wanna chill with your friends and 2. I'm going to think differently of you for hanging out with such losers. Plus, my super hot friends aren't gonna wanna chill with them either. Am I saying ditch your dorky buddy from the 1st grade? No! But watch the company you keep- it speaks volumes about you!.
Comparing to exs
Blake says: I'm going to try my hardest not to hold you to the same standard as the guys who were in my life before you came around, please offer me the same courtesy. I don't want to be held accountable for someone else's actions, its not fair to me. I also don't want to know what you liked about her. I want to know what you LIKE about ME (notice the present tense?) and if you can't focus on US you have no business being with me, or anyone else for that matter.
Gambling problem
Blake says: You work hard, you have your own place, and then you gamble away all your money. You're putting your future on the line as well as mine. Quick story: I once found a pawn slip from Atlantic City for a Rolex of my ex's wallet- talk about a  turn off! He had no car, no place, no job (clearly I had no good judgement) and he had one more thing: a ticket to nowhere fast (in a Uhaul.)

Hey Wise Guys

Coming straight to you from the mind that is Blake. This is something that may shock you guys, but for me it's something I think all guys should be open-minded to, and realize. Are you ready?

Here it is: Women have options, we don't have to date you. We Choose to.

I know, it's such a concept it's almost inconceivable. After all, you make us go through the chase, you keep us hanging on a string- you boys- you play these games. Did it ever occur to you, that we could easily give up and find someone new, if we wanted to? I know, it seems unlikely. But we don't NEED or HAVE to date you. If you're going to put us through the games, you'd better hope you're worth it, or we're both gonna end up mighty frustrated.

Why do I say this? Well, for one thing, I'm your typical future (read: marriage) obsessed woman. I'm twenty, and every time my heart beats I hear my biological clock ticking away. Why? Because I'm realistic and I know that even if I met "The One" today (or have I? who knows!) it would take time and effort to build something that is marriage-worthy. Observe a timeline if you will:
All things considered, why on Earth do you think I would waste my time dating a guy who plays games: Doesn't call when he says he wills, cancels plans, etc. I wouldn't and that (above) is why! Because I can't be bothered to waste my life away waiting for someone to wake up and see what a wonderful and deserving person I am. Am I saying you have to profess your love to me right away? Absolutely not. But I will tell you this, and if you get nothing else from this entry remember this much:
If it's not you, it will be someone else.
It took me the longest time to accept that. I've always wanted to find true love, to be able to develop something with that special guy for years before we get engaged, or married, whatever. I've always wanted a solid foundation. If I don't think I'm going to find it in you, I have no worries about saying goodbye and finding the next guy who I think will have more to offer. It sounds bad, but really guys do it too- you wouldn't date someone who you're not physically attracted to, neither would we. But women are always looking for something more. We notice things other than just looks and lame sexual innuendos; we are observant creatures. And if we observe you acting like a tool you better believe you just got NEXTED.
Love always,

Saturday, January 31, 2009

About A Girl: Blake's Intro

A little bit of background on myself. My name is Laurie, but my friends call me Blake (blame Gossip girl's Blake Lively for that one). I'm twenty, and from central New Jersey. I go to school, I work full-time, and I'd like to think I'm a well-rounded girl. Good values and morals, an outstanding work ethic, and confident to boot! I'm a Fashion Merchandising major, but what I really want to do is Fashion Journalism. I've competed in beauty pageants, cheered for 8 years, even ran track. I'm the definition of a social butterfly. I love everything about people, even the people I don't love. I love to know the inner workings of their minds, and why people act, say, and do the things they do. Humans fascinate me, especially humans who are searching for love.

In today's world it's like we're all search for love in all the wrong places- the set ups, the break ups, even online dating. With the advancement of sites such as Myspace and Facebook, as well as text messaging, it's no wonder dating has become so impersonal. I'm writing this blog in hope of reaching some people out there who will hear this cry: Men, PLEASE stop being so lazy with your chivalry, and ladies, stop settling!

I'll also be posting questions of my own. I'm no dating extraordinare, and I need advice too! I'm sure we'll have some random blog posts too: that's just how we are.

Join us, won't you?