An Open Letter to "That Girl"

That Girl is the girl who is your best friend and suddenly decides to go after your boyfriend or recent ex. That girl is the girl who really had herself fooled for a minute, thinking she could EVER fill your shoes. That girl is the girl who you will always wonder if there was ever anything GENUINE about her, ever. You will find yourself questioning every motive of hers, until you dump her sorry ass at the same time you dump Mama's boy. 

Dear That Girl,

You know who you are. I'm about to do something I never do: put my very personal life on the internet for the WORLD to read. I get a kick out of it though- I think you owe it to the world to show your true colors. If I'm showing mine but writing this and publishing, so be it. I may be red with anger, white with shock, I could be a list of things- but you will always be green with envy.

From the moment I met you I felt that I had to become your friend. Make no mistake, there was nothing compelling about you. Not your too-long face, bad makeup, or awkward body. However, I was in the beginning stages of a relationship with someone who I really cared for- and I knew you were a problem waiting to happen. The moment I met you I knew I had to keep my friends close and my enemies closer. Did you REALLY ever think you were that important? Funny how you thought you got one over on me, love. I'm the one laughing now. There is nothing more gratifying than knowing that you are so desperate to be me that you would actually relocate to be with my sloppy seconds.

The funny thing is I always knew you were disgustingly jealous of me- something which I rarely would suspect (readers: I am not vain or mean, this is just the plain truth). I could see how angry you were every time you saw us together, until you finally found yourself someone to call your own. It wasn't long until you took that one so far out for a ride that he couldn't stand you anymore. I have to hand it to you, girl- you really know how to exhaust someone- financially, emotionally, and psychologically. You are one big mindf*ck waiting to happen.

You were never shy about your promiscuity (despite having a long-distance boyfriend), so I can't really say that I'm shocked. I suppose dissapointed is the word. I do have to wonder though, since you're so clearly with my ex now and he lives an entire continent away from you- are you as loyal to him as you were your ex ;) He's a nice boy, you know. Lonely, perhaps. He doesn't deserve to be played- that's why I left him in the first place. At least I was grown enough to admit that I was too young to settle down. You are so blinded by the opportunities (because that's all this is to you- an opportunity to PROFIT off of someone's love for you) that you forget that there is a person's love on the line. You're a stupid c*nt. And I don't use that word as loosely as you use yours.

It's so funny that I am still so in your head--- I know you think I've been with your ex. Let me make myself clear: he's my best friend, my rock, thanks to you too idiots. Yes, I broke up with long-distance boy, but what did you think it didnt hurt at all? I didn't feel a damn thing right? And losing a girl who I spent all of my days and nights with- that was no big deal right? Your boy was my only point of referrence for the last 2 years of my life at that point- of course I turned to him! And why not? You made it plenty clear that you two had turned to eachother. Not to mention, if I wanted to be with your boy, I wouldn't have waited. You know better than that. Blake gets what she wants, when she wants it. Be real with yourself, I could've had your man when you were still with him. I didn't because it's not like that, and because I've got a little more class than to scam on other's dudes- even post-breakup.

Do either of you owe me an explanation? No, not really. Though a real woman, and any man with a proper set of balls would be able to admit the news to me. Personally, I think you two minions deserve eachother- you're both spoiled to death, and you plane ticket is a one-way ticket to Nowherefast. It's been years, and I have to be honest, the only thing that keeps me this angry is that neither of you have the galls to admit what you've done. You two must really love each other, playing this game of hide-and-seek. When you love someone you scream it from the rooftops- not from the well.

With Love,

xoxo

Blakey Baby

Ps- Your boy still texts me. Turns out the sequel truly is never as good as the original. Tough luck, love. Best wishes & kisses.