Monday, February 2, 2009

Major Turn-Off's

When Bia and I get bored, we make lists. Included in our first list was things that we find to be HUGE turn off's in guys. We figured if we shared this list with others maybe, just maybe some guy out there would hear women's cry for help! Here we go:

No goals
Blake says: I have life goals and you should too, otherwise I'm going to feel like I'm always gonna have to push you in the right direction. I want to be your girl, not your mother so put your big boy pants on and set some goals for yourself.
Blake says: TLC had it all sorts of right. "A scrub is a guy that thinks he's fly And is also known as a buster Always talkin' about what he wants And just sits on his broke ass A scrub is a guy that cant get no love from me Hanging out the passenger side Of his best-friend's ride Trying to holla at me" Ok first of all, don't ever Holla or Holler at a girl. Automatic DENIAL. If you don't have a car, you don't have a job n you're a straight up mooch- vamoose baby!
Blake says: Not sure how many times we're gonna quote the 90's here (we're showing our age, Bia) but a bugaboo is a lame ass dude who doesn't let you alone for a minute. Now hold on- I like attention just as much as the next girl but DANG, I need my space sometimes too. Girls night out? Don't be blowin up my phone. If I'm at work, don't call me every 5 minutes, and don't show up unnannounced when you know I don't wanna see your annoying a$s.
No Motivation
Blake (and Celebrity guest appearance Rachel) says: We want career-oriented men, we go to school and put in our time, you should too! How am I supposed to believe you'll ever take care of me if you can't even motivate yourself to get out of bed in the morning?
Drug or alcohol problems
Blake says: Story time! Once upon a time, I had a boyfriend who thought that smoking weed with his buddies was higher on his priority list than hanging out with me. I blew it off for awhile until one day it came out that smoking weed with his buddies was also higher on the priority list than paying his child support. Imagine my surprise! Sorry boys, but clean yourselves up- or else you're never gonna get a good girl.
Not in shape (and we don't mean round)
Blake says: Ok, ok- I don't have a 6-pack. My arms aren't diesel. But I make sure that when I step on the beach in the summer no one has to shield their eyes! I stay healthy, I look good, now why on earth would I want to be with a guy who can't even do that much for himself.
Poor hygeine
Blake says: Is there anything nastier than a stanky smellin' dude? Didn't think so.
Blake says: I'm not saying take me to dinner and a movie every night. What I'm saying is, don't ask me to pay for my movie ticket on the first date. Don't suggest that we split the bill. Better to handle it (without wincing!) and let me pretend that I'm entertaining the idea of paying part of it. A few months down the road and this becomes a completely different story. Until then, don't be a cheapstake. Please!
Bad sense of humor
Blake says: There is nothing more awkward than hanging out with an unfunny dude. It's the WORST thing ever. Hell, if you're not funny, poke fun at how awkward you are. That's what I do. I'm one of the least funny people I know, but I always manage to crack a smile, and get a laugh out.
Conceited and arrogant
Blake says: I'll cool ya as$ down if you think you're hot sh!t. I will leave you in the dust, wondering what went wrong. End of Story. A guy with a conceited and arrogant attitude needs a serious reality check. If you think you're too good for me, don't bother. Find someone "in your own league" and do us "minions" a favor.
No confidence
Blake says: on the other half of the spectrum you've got the guy who's smoking hot and doesn't know it. It's like this guy doesn't even own a mirror. Hello? It's me, Blake calling to tell you- I won't go on a date with an ugly guy! If I'm out with you, I have some sort of attraction to you (unless you're a friend and you're creepin on me!)
Blake says: I'm a fashion major. There's no way in hades, that anyone is going to tell me what to wear unless their name is Stacy London, Clinton Kelly, Elle, Vogue, or Cosmo. Capiche? You also will not tell me who my friends are, what I'm going to do in my spare time, or any of that. Rest assured if a good girl is with you- she doesn't need to be controlled.
Blake says: really? You don't like my friends? You don't even like me spending time with my family? You hate the people I work with? Do you hate me too?! There is only one you and only one me- no reason to be jealous, because again-if a good girl is with you, you don't have anything to be jealous OF.
Blake says: Story time! I hadn't even gone on a date with this guy yet, and he called my phone at 6:54a.m. to tell me that he had a flat tire and NEEDED someone to talk to. He kept me on the phone until 7:30a.m. talking about nonsense. There is no need for that sort of neediness. That's what your mothers are for.
Blake says: If I had a dollar for every time I suspected someone was stalking me I'd be a very rich lady. Honestly, if a good girl says she's going to be somewhere- that's where she'll be. She'll check in with you and let you know what's up. So put away the binoculars, boys!
Blake says: it's pretty self-explanatory. Don't get mad over stupid stuff, don't flip out, and certainly don't ever raise your hand at a good girl. If you suspect you have issues I'm happy to point you in the right direction- far far away from me!
Picky eaters
Blake says: I hate going out to eat with a guy who hates everything that touches his lips. I hate it because I know eventually I'm going to have to cook for your picky butt and it's going to be annoying when nothing i make is ever good enough.
Bad manners
Blake says: it doesn't take much to be a gentleman. Come to the front door. Open the car door. Open the car door when you arrive at the destination, open the door at the destination, let her walk ahead of you, pay for her (remember: no wincing!). GIRLS NOTICE THIS CRAP! And yes, it matters! A lot. Especially when you're dealing with an old-school good girl!
Blake says: oh my lawd. Ok I know its 2009. We've past the sexual revolution. Christina Aguilera came out with "Can't Hold Us Down" when I was younger and I agreed- I don't think a guy should get away with any more than a girl does sex-wise. But leave "the talk" for AFTER you've become a couple. Don't make awkward sexual advances, don't make weird suggestions or ask for pervy photos. You will be DENIED. Why? Because its 2009- and if Miley Cyrus' stuff is leaking on the internet...well, I certainly wouldn't want to be her.
Blake says: If you're going to get with another girl, break up with me first. Don't be the scumbag who thinks he can get away with it because you wont. We smell cheat on you boys like a hound smells blood. The guilt is writen on your face so don't even try to lie about it. Which brings us to...
Blake says: Ok. You messed up, you got caught, and you know it. FESS UP. Stop the lying. Even if you're doing it to impress us- come on. You know how the world works- the truth always surfaces. Don't be lame.
Always late
Blake says: I know how long it takes me to get ready. Anywhere between 1-3 hours, depending on the occassion and how much BS'ing I'm going to do in between. I have to wash my hair, blow dry it, wash my face, put on my makeup, brush my teeth, find the right outfit, find the right shoes, find the right accessories, and the right bag. This gives YOU plenty of time to take a shower, shave, do your hair, get dressed and be on time.
Too metro
Blake says: Here's an algebra problem for you. If it takes Blake 2.55 hours to get ready and takes Boy A 3.55 hours to get ready and an extra .5 hours to arrive at Blakes house, how long is it until Blake gets fed up and decides she can't date a pretty boy?
Too much body hair
Blake says: I wax regularly- what I wax exactly I'll leave up to your imagination (remember, we don't like perverts). If you look like you belong in the jungle book, you should too.
Blake says: One of mine and Bia's favorite games is "Imagine if..." and then we describe some crazy, over-the-top scenario where unlikely things happen. We've always had big imaginations. If the lights are on but no one's home, I'm not going to be ringing the doorbell. If you know what I mean.
"Falling Short"
Blake says: A literal LOL here... Bia and I have different definitions of falling short. Mine is quite literally, height. I can't date a guy who's the same height or shorter than me. I like guys who are 6'0" or taller.
Overly emotional
Blake says: Not for nothin but I rarely ever cry. I'm not saying I want you to be a robot- but I hate when a guy is too flippant, or otherwise too emotional. You're freakin me out, man. What happened to the big boy pants?!
Way too into their "hood"
Blake says: I wonder if this happens on the West Coast... Out here, you meet a guy from Brooklyn, Staten Island, Jersey City, whatever it is, and it's like they think they're Biggie freakin' Smalls. You didn't invent Brooklyn, it survived before and will survive after you. Same thing if you're one of 'em "southarn bois" Oh my Lawd. I have no patience for you people. You are where you're from RIGHT NOW! Kick the accent and get over your hood.
Acting gay
Blake says: Hey I mean if you're gay, you're gay. But you can't be my gay boyfriend. Don't touch other dude's butts (not even jokingly), dont make passes at dudes (jokingly), just don't do any of that. Why would you ever want your girl to second-guess your sexuality?!
Wandering eyes
Blake says: All eyes on me, all the time. Spare the chick-scoping for when you're with the "boyz" in the "hood" before I rip your eyeballs out k?
Too comfortable
Blake says: Farting? Burping? Just all-around being a gross boy? Save it for your boys, or better yet make like sex and save it for marriage.
Hot and cold
Blake says: Katy Perry had it right. No one likes a dude who runs hot and cold. One second you're practically in love with me, the next day you don't even get in touch with me? What's your deal? You either want to be with me or not. I hate gray areas- dating is VERY black and white to me. Pick one.
No good friends
Blake says: You're the hottest, nicest guy in town but your friends are a bunch of tools. Two things are gonna happen 1. I'm not gonna wanna chill with your friends and 2. I'm going to think differently of you for hanging out with such losers. Plus, my super hot friends aren't gonna wanna chill with them either. Am I saying ditch your dorky buddy from the 1st grade? No! But watch the company you keep- it speaks volumes about you!.
Comparing to exs
Blake says: I'm going to try my hardest not to hold you to the same standard as the guys who were in my life before you came around, please offer me the same courtesy. I don't want to be held accountable for someone else's actions, its not fair to me. I also don't want to know what you liked about her. I want to know what you LIKE about ME (notice the present tense?) and if you can't focus on US you have no business being with me, or anyone else for that matter.
Gambling problem
Blake says: You work hard, you have your own place, and then you gamble away all your money. You're putting your future on the line as well as mine. Quick story: I once found a pawn slip from Atlantic City for a Rolex of my ex's wallet- talk about a  turn off! He had no car, no place, no job (clearly I had no good judgement) and he had one more thing: a ticket to nowhere fast (in a Uhaul.)

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