Sunday, March 1, 2009

Stole my heart like a Crook

So, I've taken some time to reflect on it and decided that I definitely do have some underlying feelings for Crooky. Strong ones, at that. I don't think I'm drop the three-word bomb like he did, but I'd definitely say I'm "in like". He's the last person I talk to (sometimes see) at night, and I think of him in the morning. He made me send him a picture of me wearing his hoodie because he didn't believe me when I said I slept in it.
In the meantime, it's a little more difficult than it seems. I love Crookers- he's one of my best friends, knows everything about me and my family. We can talk about everything and neither of us really cringes either way. I am 100% at ease with him, but we both have major trust issues. His most recent ex was not such a nice girl... She was in college far away from NJland and he went to visit her, often. Spent lots of his hard-earned money, while she just kept on demanding more and more. I don't know the details of how it happened (we stopped being friends at the time, because I had a new controlling boyfriend) but they broke up. She broke his heart, and to this day I'm not 100% sure that he wouldn't go back to her. I was there the first time the broke up. I made him smile, I wiped the tears, I was the one who took care of him. I let some really stupid rumors come between us (I thought we were just friends, apparently not!) and looking back now, I really regret it. I could've saved us both a lot of heartache if I had seen then what I see now. HOWEVER, there is a point here where you remember that life is a learning experience just waiting to happen. Crooks learned not to let people know he has money (because they use him for it), and I learned not to let a guy dictate my life (and many, many more valuable lessons).
The reason why I'm rambling on and on about mine and Crook's exes is because he mentioned last night that he doesn't trust anyone. Not the sister that he lives with, not his best friends, and get this- not even me. I have to be honest, it hurt me a little bit. Regardless what mess we might be getting into trying to build a relationship, he's still supposed to be one of my best friends. How would you feel if one of your best friends (guy or girl) told you they didn't trust you?
It bothers me mostly because I know there has to be trust before there can be love. I know that if you don't trust someone you're with (platonic or romantic) it's just not good. Not saying you should trust everyone (I certainly don't) but I mean, I feel like you'd want to trust the people you spend the most time with.
I suppose if and when it gets to that point, it's something that we'll have to work on and build together. I don't trust easily either- and the fact that he doesn't trust me, only makes me not want to trust him.
Be easy, Crookers. Not everyone is out to get you. I told him last night "So what are you gonna do? You're never gonna trust again because you got burnt by one stupid [censor]? Come on! You weren't the one dating the drug addict with a gambling problem, 2 kids and an ex-wife. You live and you learn. You have to find someone you can trust!"
Now if only that someone can be me.

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