NEVER O.K.

Now I've never been one to medle in others' affairs. I'm far from tight-lipped, but I have to speak out on this. All of the media is reporting that Chris Brown and Rihanna have reconciled. I have to admit, I am so dissapointed with the choice that Rihanna is making. I know that love is blind, and that forgiveness is an amazing thing. But what Chris Brown (reportedly) did to Rihanna is unforgivable. That picture that leaked of her bruised and beaten literally made me sick to my stomach. I think it takes a strong person to forgive, but an even stronger one to walk away from someone who abuses you. What happened to her is no accident, and I'm sure it wasn't the first time. Some people are saying, "What if she instigated the fight?" I don't care who started it, it is NEVER OK to put your hands on someone, much less someone you love!
Albeit all the crappy boyfriends I've had in my lifetime, I'm lucky enough that only ONE ever put his hands on me. I was 15, and I didn't know then what I know now: IT IS NEVER OK. Physical, emotional, psychological, any kind of abuse is intolerable. I don't care how much you love that person- you can and should learn to live without someone who intentionally hurts you!
I felt the need to speak out on this for a few reasons. The first is that my mom came from an abusive household- a family where her mother was beaten, and her father was an alcoholic. I never knew either of my grandparents because of the issues that it created in the family dynamics. I missed out on having these truly special relationships because of abuse, and I refuse to stand for it, or let it go unnoticed. My second reason was mainly my dissapointment in Rihanna. I have always been a fan of both the stars, but I can tell you I won't be buying or supporting Chris Brown until he proves he's gotten help. I'm dissapointed that Rihanna wouldn't take this as an opportunity to show the men and women of the world that abuse, (even amongst the wealthy and famous) is not ok. Because it's not. I'll never understand where people got the notion that it's OK to hurt someone, much less someone you love and are supposed to care for!
Realistically, neither Rihanna nor Chris Brown will ever read my blog. I don't care. It's not for them. This one goes out to anyone who's ever been told that they're ugly or not worthy of real love. This goes out to the women AND men who cover the bruises because they believe deep down that the very person who inflicts the hurt, loves them. They don't love you, and if they do- they love themselves more.
If you're in an abusive relationship, please seek help. If you're an abuser please take a few moments to reflect on the damage you are causing the people you "love".

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Lovingly,
Blake

Is it Single's Awareness Day Yet?

"I see you looking and I know what you think
You’re getting braver with every drink but
I am telling you something you need to know
She may look like a sweet young thing
Talking to him but she ain’t hearing a thing
If you were smart you’d turn around and let her go
That girls’ a Barbie doll
A Barbie doll
She’s real good-looking but she’s got no heart at all
She puts on her makeup and drives to the bar in her
Boyfriend’s old man’s brand-new car
She’s got no idea what she does or why
She does whatever she wants I guess
Whatever comes first or whatever looks best
Nobody I know has ever seen her cry"

Thank you, Jack Ingram- for a song about the story of my life.

Now if only someone cared enough to help me change my plastic ways, maybe I'd stand a chance at this love thing.

It's not that I'm not capable of loving, or crying, or any of the above. To be honest, I'm petrified of everything LOVE is and stands for. Even coming from my own family- I have such a hard time accepting it. 

It wasn't always like this. I remember being a go-getter, I remember being brave, almost fearless. I remember when I thought I was so good that no one was good enough for me. Now I feel like I'm tainted- I'm not good enough for anyone else. An unfortunate dose of Karma, or just the psychological turnout of dating all of the wrong guys?

I don't want to be cold and hard- it's not what it seems at all. I want to heal (from everyone that's hurt me), I want to move on (from all the choices I regret), I want to find someone worth loving. Why is that so difficult to convey? Oh, right. Because it involves swallowing my pride and changing my damn stubborn, pig headed ways. It's like I need a mental and emotional bootcamp where I become aware of how deserving and capable I am of being loved. It's like I need to learn how to be human again and feel things without being embarassed or ashamed. Why is it that I can't practice what I preach? Just today I was telling a friend of mine that no one should ever tell her she's wrong for how she's feeling. Why can't I give myself the same liberty of feeling what I'm feeling- regardless of how much it forces me to be vulnerable?

Maybe vulnerability is key- maybe then I'd stand a chance. Until then, loneliness beckons like an old friend and I snuggle up, alone again. I'm OK, but I'm not satisfied. I suppose tomorrow is another day.

-Blake

In Yo Face!

Probably one of the hardest parts of living where I live (suburban small-town New Jersey. yikes!) is that you know everyone. And if you happen to meet someone new, you probably have heard of them, or know someone who knows someone who's at least heard of them. There are no surprises and there is no mystery that a high school year book cannot resolve. It's not just my town either- all of the surrounding towns have the same issue, and when we mix, its basically one big show of Guess Who?!

So how exactly does one go about meeting new people in a town this small? You don't. I mean there's always going to be "that guy" that you never spoke to before, or maybe he's never been single when you were, etc. But for the most part, you know who you know and that's about it. It's depressing! You can't even form your own opinion of the person you're dating because before you even had your first phone conversation, you'd heard something about him or her that was unfavorable. You practically wince when you walk into the movies, because you see about 10 different people who you have to say "hello" to- this usually includes at least an ex-hookup. Or, if you're really lucky like me, you'll end up tipsy at Friday's after a company party only to run into the piece of crap who hurt you last, pouring his every bit of attention on his ex (who you got dumped for). God forbid you make any bad decisions, because then you my friend, are S.O.L in this town! You can't even lie (or at least it would be silly to) because there are so many people who know the truth.

Sometimes it's difficult for me to fathom that there are even smaller towns out there. My town isn't even that small- maybe I'm biased to think so. The problem is that theres no real way to escape it. When I'm at work, I can encounter at least 1-2 people a day whom I've previously dated or been interested in. When I'm out with my friends, I can encounter countless guys- but they're all the same; I've been there, done that, and this is where it's gotten me! At the gym? FORGET IT! First of all how anyone can become attracted to me seeing me on my cardio half-hour is b e y o n d me, and second of all, even if I don't know them I can tell you about them within about 2 minutes of conversation. BORING. Stupid, boring, small town.

Still in hopes that Mr. Smalltown might not be a total dickwad...
xoxo
Blakey

About A Girl: Blake's Intro

A little bit of background on myself. My name is Laurie, but my friends call me Blake (blame Gossip girl's Blake Lively for that one). I'm twenty, and from central New Jersey. I go to school, I work full-time, and I'd like to think I'm a well-rounded girl. Good values and morals, an outstanding work ethic, and confident to boot! I'm a Fashion Merchandising major, but what I really want to do is Fashion Journalism. I've competed in beauty pageants, cheered for 8 years, even ran track. I'm the definition of a social butterfly. I love everything about people, even the people I don't love. I love to know the inner workings of their minds, and why people act, say, and do the things they do. Humans fascinate me, especially humans who are searching for love.

In today's world it's like we're all search for love in all the wrong places- the set ups, the break ups, even online dating. With the advancement of sites such as Myspace and Facebook, as well as text messaging, it's no wonder dating has become so impersonal. I'm writing this blog in hope of reaching some people out there who will hear this cry: Men, PLEASE stop being so lazy with your chivalry, and ladies, stop settling!

I'll also be posting questions of my own. I'm no dating extraordinare, and I need advice too! I'm sure we'll have some random blog posts too: that's just how we are.

Join us, won't you?

xoxo

Blakey