On a Serious Note...

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Keith Urban

Always knows just what to say:

"And the longer we talked
The more we laughed
And wondered why we didnt last
It had been a long time
But late last night
We caught up real fast
And maybe its a little too early
To know if this is going to work
All I know is you're sure lookin
Good in my shirt."


<3

Men and Confusion

I've come to realize that men and confusion are synonymous in my life. Somebody call AT&T at 6-1-1 because all I'm getting these days are mixed signals; something I'm not particularly fond of. If they like me, they stalk me and give me the creeps. If they don't like me, I take it extremely personal. If they play games I get vindictive, and the rest of it I'm just at a loss of words for.

Five star Good-for-nothing-&-gorgeous strikes again. I think I mentioned in yesterday's post that he made the mistake of texting me as though he hadn't ditched me on Friday night... Well...This afternoon he made the SAME faux-pas! It's taking so much resistance from me not to respond back to him saying "Hey, how do I unsuscribe from your annoyingly vague text messages?" or "I had a great time Friday night! Looking forward to being stood up by you again!" (Must give credit where it is due, my friend Rachel came up with that when we should've been studying matrices in Finite Math).

Honestly! Does G.F.N.&.G think he's going to get by solely on his looks? He's pretty- but not pretty enough to stand me up. ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY not. I refuse. And I certainly won't give him another opportunity to do it.

In the mean time, Crookers must be too busy doing what he does best (being a Crook) to be too concerned about texting me or calling me... Another WTF moment. Last week, he was telling me he loves me, this weekend we were kissing in public, and now what?! I must beg for attention? Are these dudes out of their mind?! Only Blair will really understand what I'm about to say but "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!"

My 7-11 stalker also hasn't contacted me, which is truly amazing. I have to be honest, I am truly grateful that we were both pretty much drunk when I gave him my number this time---I'm pretty sure my dyslexia comes on full-force when I'm drinking and I must have switched around the digits a bit. Or maybe he just took the hint when I told him that "I'm just not that kind of girl." as I flashed my left hand in front of his face. It's not a card I like to play often- I don't want to make a show of my values or morals, but I mean DANG! Some dudes are just grimey, and you literally have to spell it out for them. Horrendous.

All in all, this is a rather uneventful week for Little Miss Single. Bummer. The one guy who I want attention from is not ignoring me per se, but not giving me the same attention I was getting a week ago, and the guy who I've lost 99.9% of respect for now wants my undivided attention.

WHAT, EXACTLY is the deal here?!
#%($#&^$&*^(&^$(&%#()^%&%!~!!!

That's how I feel about that.
xoxo
Blake

Ironically Enough

When I started this blog it was because I wanted to help women realize that they didn't have to get caught up in craptastic relationships (such as I have in the past). What I ended up doing was writing up an entire play-by-play of the last 6 years of my life since my first ever boyfriend. My friends and co-workers always tease me that my relationships alone would constitute a rather dramatic talk show or reality show. I have to agree. I'm sorry if my blog isn't as much helpful as it may be (somewhat) entertaining. 

Before I get any further into this, I'd like to explain why I run my blog the way I do:

1- I come from a relatively small-town and am notorious for having numerous stalkers. 

2- Blake is not my real name, and I refuse to blog under my real name for reason #1.

3- Majority of the people I will be mentioning will have code names for a one very simple reason:I'd be mortified if I knew they found out I was blogging about them. I mean, I always accuse guys of being creepy...I'm definitely the creeper in this situation

4- I have some interesting life issues (immigration, mostly) which make me want to remain as anonymous as humanly possible.

5- I've read too many articles about people not getting JOBS over something they've posted on the internet. I don't want to be one of those people!

With all that said, here's a little background about me.

-The nickname Blake stems from Blake Lively. Supposedly, I'm sort of like her character on Gossip Girls? Who knows?

-I'm 20 years old and I live in suburban New Jersey. 

-I was born and raised in a teenyy tiny Canadian suburb, but my heart belongs to the USA

-I grew up on the Jersey shore, and New York City is my home away from home

-I'm a fashion merchandising (soon to be Marketing and Communications) major and I am currently waiting to hear back from the Fashion Institute of Technology in Manhattan.

-I'm quite the fan of country music

-I have one older sister, and come from a tight-knit family- I'm a daddy's girl the same way Miley Cyrus is with her daddy, and same thing with my Mom. My sister is an amazing woman, and we're way too much alike.

-I appear to be  very cold and heartless. I rarely ever cry and I've been compared to a Barbie doll. On the inside, I am a big blubbering baby.

-When it comes to relationships I can be a needy, annoying, nagging, desperate girlfriend. It's something I hate so much about myself that I'm trying desperately to change. 

- I don't drive (thanks to immigration issues) and it makes it hard to be as independent as I would like to be.

-I am extremely driven despite the obstacles which have been set forth in front of me and I frankly don't care how many lemons life hands me, I'll ask for limes instead and pop open a bottle of tequila.

-I never met a problem alcohol, duct tape, or a quick mile run couldn't fix. Kidding! Sort of.

-I ignore problems. For example, relationships are currently the last problem I should be thinking of, but it's so minor to everything else going on in my life that it's easier to blog about the less-important stuff. I enjoy writing and I don't want to write about things that wear me out. Does that make sense?

-I tend to idealize the men I date. It's so bad.

-I have always settled for less than I deserve and again, it's something I'm trying desperately to get away from.

-I dont think I'm particularly funny but at this moment my sister is crying laughing at me. Go figure.

-After this I will post an obscure photo of myself, at least so you have some sort of idea as to who I am...

I have to publish this now, before I become delirious.

xoxo

Blake

Hanging In the Balance

I apologize for going MIA this last week. That apology goes out to the readers that I'd be surprised to know exist... Regardless, I apologize. So a bit of a play-by-play is due. I'll start at Valentine's Day, because really that's where I left off.

Before I go any further, I'd like to mention that one of my very close friends had a lovely baby girl, who is now almost 2 weeks old. Sondra Zoe, I loved you from the moment I knew you existed and I can't wait to meet you, peanut. Auntie Blake loves you <3

2/14/09 I had a lovely Valentine's day dinner with a good friend of mine, Rob Murphy. Rob and I have an interesting history. Two years ago, he was dating someone who I once called my best friend. That so-called best friend is now "that girl". She seems to be under the pretense that Rob and I have had the same relations as her and my ex, and I am obliged to tell the truth: we have not. Regardless, after his fraud b*tch of an ex-girlfriend broke up with him on VDAY he still had dinner reservations, which we took full advantage of. A nice dinner, a bottle of wine, and some cannolis later we were in much better spirits. He brought me home and I went out with my girlfriends to continue celebrating our singledom. Oh, and that idiot aka "5-star" who I was talking to? Texted me "Happy Valentine's Day, Baby." To which I (mentally) responded..."WHO YOU CALLIN' BABY?!" Ugh, five-star, you have since been demoted significantly. Turns out you were just another counterfeit...More on that later. Overall, a lovely day/night which I enjoyed in the company of coworkers, friends, and even more friends.

2/15/09 I can't quite remember what happened this day, really it all became a total blur within a few hours. I have an amazing male friend of mine, a few years older than me, who I recently reconciled with. We hadn't talked for a few years over some silly childish stuff- mostly things that I had brought upon when I loved the drama of it all. Regardless, we settled our differences and started hanging out again. I forgot just how much I missed him! He's one of the few males in my life who knows just about everything about me-specifically my family which is going through a lot right now.
So we were going for a ride in his car and then he turns to be and says:
"You know what I was thinking about the other day?"
"What?"
"I was thinking, you know, that I love you."
"....Love me like how?"
"You know, like I just love you. I couldn't make up my mind. First I was like I think I love this girl, then I was like no...Five minutes later I was like I do though... And I do."
".......(lost in thought and shock)....."
"Do you love me too?"
"Well, I mean sure in some ways, I love you too."
My initial response was disbelief. He really caught me off guard. We always joked about getting married, but suddenly these things didn't seem like jokes anymore. He had always called me girlfriend or wifey, but those didn't seem so... carefree anymore. It's like when someone tells you that you look fat and adds "just kidding" at the end...You know they meant what they said. I know he meant it, and to be honest, I think I wanted to hear it.
Rewind two years and you'll see that I've sort of always had something going for this guy. I remember talking to him, watching some girl break his heart from far away. I was there when she was hurting him, I was there when he couldn't sleep- I loved him then, and I love him now. Above all, he's one of my closest friends and I wouldn't ever want to see him hurt. But you see, this violates my blog about "The 7 guys you should never date" Remember the best friend? *Sigh* Not saying I won't try it, but I'm not willing to lose him...Again. I must think of a nickname for this one, I think you'll be reading more about him. (edit: nickname has been selected---Crookers)

The rest of my week went by rather uneventfully...Five-star asked me when he could see me again, we made what I thought constituted plans, and I suppose I was wrong. He never even bothered to respond to my text message Friday afternoon asking if we were still going to meet up. My response? I deleted his contact info, his myspace message with his contact info, and did what any respectable woman will do when she gets stood up by the guy she wants so bad: have a few too many glasses of wine, and find the next cutest thing to make out with. And that, is exactly what I did.

I was lucky enough to run into one of my stalkers at 7-11 and true to his stalker ways, he followed my friend to her house and proceeded to make out with me. Perfect. It was just what I needed to get the rejection from 5-star out of my system. I kicked out stalkerazzo at 2:30a.m. and snuggled up to one of my best girlfriends for a good night's sleep. Ah, the life of a single 20-something, you will be missed and reminisced when the time comes, I'm certain of it.

2/21/09 Saturday night and Little Miss Single has no plans :( so Brynn, a fellow single girl and bitch baby called me to see if I wanted to go party with her. I managed to get my curfew pushed back an hour to 2:30a.m. and I was out like a bandit! Wouldn't you know it to be just my luck that the party we went to got busted before we even set foot in the door!!! Ah well, I was lucky anyway. My record is so squeaky clean it hurts, so sense is scratching it for a few cranberry vodkas. So we ended up in our favorite parking lot, where all the other people who didn't go to the party ended up, trying to find another party. I ended up running into Crooks, and watching him interact with other girls made me realize that, I didn't want him interacting with other girls. Not because he was flirtatious or anything of the sort- I just wanted his undivided attention, and undivided attention I got. I've told you all before- Blake wants, Blake gets. I did something which I've never done before. I deliberately kissed him on the mouth, in public. Its happened privately before- but in public? In front of people we know? Never. We've always denied being together before- it makes me wonder, what's so different about this time around? I knew he was jealous when 5-star and I were "talking" but I didn't know his feelings were that serious. To be perfectly honest I didn't realize mine were either, until I realized that I'd rather be sitting in a parking lot with him all night, talking about nothing, than going out to parties with my friends and getting drunk (such as a normal 20-year-old would do).

2/22/09 At work, recapping the previous night with my co-worker who asked me why I haven't blogged in a few days (hiya newbie!) and she says to me "Aww! You like him!" I'm totally embarassed about it, though. Not because he's not good looking or anything- he's a perfectly lovable human being- I guess I'm just embarassed that this came at me like a freight train and I didn't see it sooner. Why do you say that? The green lights were everywhere- the jealousy, the constant contact, the fact that he'll do just about anything for me- I had that confused with friendship, which I suppose was wrong. Even more embarassing is realizing that I have feelings for this guy, which I have repressed for so long over some silly things that happened two years ago. Go figure.

More on all of this later. Until then
xoxox
Blakey

Ever have that feeling

Ever get that feeling that something mayyyyjah just happened? Like you go through so much with someone then something is done or said and it's such an eye opener? Stay tuned...

F*ck the Frauds

I promise, after I let this out I will get back to being positive and working towards goals for myself. Until then, I have to say this: F*ck the frauds! Truly these people are everywhere.  Think outside of yourself for a moment...Wall Street? Frauds! Big pharmaceutical companies? Frauds! Dermatologists who push SPF 50 in the winter months? Frauds! The government? Frauds! Anyone who is in a POWER POSITION in this life to f*ck over people ultimately does. Don't kid yourself. The world is full of frauds. If you're honest enough with yourself, you might realize that even you're a little bit fraudulent. I know, I'm honest enough with myself to be aware- I never said I was perfect, after all! 

I mean really, why should frauds be any different in the realm of relationships? You are what you are, right. And I mean, it is what it is. "Insurance fraud is intentional lying or concealment by policyholders to obtain payment of an insurance claim that would not otherwise be paid." Think about it. How many times have you dated a guy or girl who you have invested in (emotionally, physically, maybe even financially) and you find yourself getting the shaft? I mean, if they didn't fool you into thinking that they're such a grand person- you would never have invested that much in them to begin with! You'd have saved yourself the heartache right? But be real. This is not your fault. You can't control the fact that people are assholes. The only thing you can do is accept it. There is no way for you to know when someone is lying or embellishing the truth. When you meet someone, it's so easy to get wrapped up in what you THINK you're seeing that you forget to seek the truth.

We always say it is what it is. A fork is just that- a fork. It is, what it is, which is exactly what it is. Go with your gut- if you think he's  a player. A player is a player, which is exactly what it is- a player. Same thing with broads. A ho, is a ho, is a ho. You can't change people. 

If perception is truly reality- then maybe the frauds aren't the ones to blame. Maybe frauds are very open about their fraudulent ways and we don't want to see them for what they are. We idealize people to see who we want to see, not what they really are. Yeah- your girls pretty, she's sweet, she's everything but hold up- did you say "shady". You can't tell a tree to cast it's shade in another direction- it won't be any different with this shady tree. 

Is it a tough pill to swallow? Yup. Mostly because while I'm feeding it to you, I'm feeding it to myself, too. I have to admit it to myself: I idealize people, I don't always see them the way I should- the way they are. Admittedly , there's been a few times in life where I was the fraud- and then I grew up. What good does it do someone to pretend that they're someone they're not? The truth always surfaces, you always end up showing your true colors, and honestly in the end people just end up getting pist (which for me often results in stalkers...)

Here's a message to all the frauds out there: you know who you are. You're the players who either a) refuse to settle down or b) settle for less because you're too insecure to find someone decent and worthwhile. Newsflash- we see right through you  and your ability to mass text message every girl in your phone. This is to all the broads who've ever screwed over a hard-working dude because you could, or because something better came along. Because you knew exactly how to play  "the games" to get what you want. Reality check, babes- dudes are not as stupid as they let on- they're onto you. And when they're not, they have girls like me to keep them in check. I have nothing to say to the girls except a big *f_ck you!* because these girls ruin it for the good ones like me, and don't even deserve to have the good guys know their name.